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A Thanks to my Cousins, Aunts & Uncles

©by Lady Wolfen Mists Aug. 25 2002 3:00 am

Greetings Friends,

Well it has happened once again, my "family" has rejected me. Not my mom and dad, they continue to be loving and supporting. My mother (devoutly Christian) doesn't always understand my ways but always loves me just the same, as does my father. They both just shake their heads and say "that's our Joy!" My parents have always been supportive and open with me, for this I am lucky

This rant is directed at some of my aunts, uncles and cousins. Why you ask.. Simple because I am not Christian! Because I do not believe as they do and because I am weird and different in their eyes and for this I am of less value, evil and not worthy of their love, caring or even time. Of course acceptance and getting to know me is way out of the question…Who knows a bit of Satan may rub off on them. They know all about witchcraft, heck they watch TV, and for sure it is satanic!!!

Heres what has happened:

My Aunt and Uncle recently celebrated their 50th wedding anniversary and my Mom and Dad went all the way home (I call it that loosely cause its where my parents are from) we live in North Dakota. They took some of my cards with them, my personal card that tells my magickal name and some of my accomplishments, as well as some store cards. My mother proudly handed them out. The reaction was less than nice. Mostly it was loathsome comments and looks of annoyance, displeasure and anger. Such comments included along these lines, "…ya know she e-mailed me a while back, told me about all this stuff. She always was a little different." It should be noted that they never tried to contact me again when I told them I was deeply into metaphysical studies. Even the ones who did seem to accept me did it with back handed comments like, "Oh that's just Joy, she was always a little weird." My first reaction to this was "they can all kiss my goddess size ass" But now I have looked deeper and I have found much….

For those who don't know it I am an only child, my father was in the Navy so I wasn't around these people all that much when growing up. As such I invented these wonderful loving cousins and aunts and uncles inside my head. They cared deeply about me (in my mind) and not just let me, but wanted me to be a part of their lives. They loved me unconditionally. I so wanted their love and acceptance and believed they would give it to me because I was part of them. I found out in high school, when I lived back in my home town this was most definitely NOT the case! They were mean and hurtful and anything but caring of me. They actively sought out ways to cause me problems and "tattled" on me whenever they could, gossiping about me and enjoying the pain it caused. Now I am not saying I was an angel in my youth, but I was never careless about other peoples feelings. It is true I was wild compared to some people's views, and its true I never lacked for male friends. I loved life and I excelled at enjoying it (and I still do). They (my blood family) instead preferred to stand and watch on the side lines and "tell" everyone what an awful person I was, how godless (unchristian I behaved) and make harsh judgments about me.

The first turning point:

One Christmas I was living in Ohio in a trailer (I was out of high school and getting ready to join the Air Force) My parents were in North Dakota. My cousins asked me to join them for dinner, I went. I did not stay long for they all cornered me and told me what a mistake I was making. They said they worried about me and my ways as I was not living as the Holy Bible told me to and was not right with God. (How they know what God thought about me I have yet to understand but they are a righteous family and as such may have a red phone to God.) They told me about Jesus and how I needed a more personal relationship with him, they went on about cults and my not getting mixed up with them. Then they started in on the Jews and the Catholics (how evil they were and how they weren't gonna get to heaven) and I couldn't take it any longer!!! I left! I was so angry, what pompous, egotistical, vile people they were! I swore I would never look back. Why would I care if they loved me or even liked me for I had nothing for them in my heart but pity.

Yet they were still my family and I deep down I wanted them to love me. Many a night I wished they would care for me, many tears shed thinking my own family disapproved of me. They didn't take the time to get to know me or what was in my heart, they only wanted to judge me. Why? I just couldn't understand….Years went by, I continued on my "weird" path, my connection to the Goddess and God strong and my confidence in what I believed even stronger. I felt good about myself and where I was on my spiritual path. Yet another event came to test me…

Test #2

Before I relate that test to you I must explain, Lady Shadow Stalker and I have been friends for years (over 20 years) and roommates for as long, we are family! Now on with the test.. My mother came to me and begged me to take her home to Ohio because her sister was in the hospital. I didn't want to go, I hated the thought, but I finally gave in. Lady Shadow Stalker came along so I could have some support when interacting with these people. When we got home, I was so ostracized by one cousin he would literally jump up and leave when I came on the porch. He was sure I was gay and Lady Shadow Stalker was also, why that should matter to anyone is beyond me but it seemed to here. He (and his wife) wouldn't talk with me (or Lady Shadow Stalker) or visit or even be in the same room. He would hurry his children inside when I came around, I had to come around because he lived in the back of my grandmothers house at the time. It seems I offended his Christian values, which by the way were almost none existent when we were growing up and not there when he did things he would rather not remember.

Others put up with me but again I was the topic of gossip and condemnation. I was made to feel very unwelcome. Only a few seemed to care I was there at all. My last words to them before I left was…"Take a good look people cause it's the last one you will ever see of me."

I left there knowing I would never return, knowing that these people were not capable of loving anyone or even trying to if they did not fit into their little life molds. I knew in my heart that these people, who had never truly been in my life, were now out for good. That I must find my own family to care about me, which I have found in many of you, and many dear friends the Goddess and God have sent my way.

The Lesson Learned

Yet the lesson I learned here, although painful was that no matter how you long to be loved and cared about it is NOT worth giving up your own beliefs or ignoring your own inner truths. If people (any people) will not let you be who you are without calling you names (weird, evil and so on in a mean spirited way) they do not deserve the beauty of knowing you, or the person that you are. That in losing my "dream family" I connected even more with my "heart family," those who have in common with me many of the same beliefs and search the same spiritual path. I do not blame other Christians for these people. I know in my heart that even Christ, Buddha or even Mother Theresa would not be pleased with them or vice versa. They are rude, cruel, nasty people, who revel in where they are and do not seek to improve their condition. Who think that Christian (Sacred and Holy) values include color, sexual orientation, jobs and such. That if you are not the exact way they demand you to be, that you are against God, and not to be suffered to live. Let alone acknowledged in life.

Yes as much as I hate to say it, these people…my blood family, would have been the ones who added wood to the fire. They would chant with glee "suffer ye not a witch to live" as they tied me to the stake and put the torch to the tinder. Ahhhh such loving Christian values, just makes me feel so enriched and safe!

However, it is also by way of this family that I was guided to my path, searching for something more than the sorry Christian values they spew. (Please note: not all Christian values are sorry, just the ones these people seem to think is important.) It is because of them I have found such a strong and confident ties with My Lady and Lord and it is partly due to their behavior and nature that I have now truly felt the unconditional love of the Mother and Father (Creatress and Creator). It is because of this quest for more I have found true honor, humility, grace, divine submission to the wants of the God/dess for my life. That I try to live an honest and sacred life full of integrity and reverence to all life about me. I often fall short but I know my way, my path, and I hold tightly to the Light and the Lord and Lady. So once more from the darkness shines the loving lessons of the Ancients and the truly guiding hands of the Mother.

So Thank you Cousins, Aunts and Uncles for your rejections, for your judgments, for your gossip, and for your reluctance (and shame) to claim me……..It is because of you I actively sought out something more and found more acceptance, unconditional love, accolades, and pride in finding my "heart family."

I hold no hate for you. I only wish that someday your spiritual eyes will open, and you too, will walk the path that is meant for you. That you will not just stand at the wall watching and judging others all the days of your life, while others celebrate life and live.

May you Always walk in Sunlight and Moonglow

Forever In The Loving Service Of Others

Lady Wolfen Mists (Joy)

P.S. Just a quick note the song I picked for this page is "Blowing in the Wind," one of my favorites by Peter, Paul & Mary from the 60's. If you know me you know how much the right music means to me...this says it all so well! The answer to it all is blowing in the wind...we need only listen.